.

.

Jul 24, 2017

I'm Not Afraid (Except I Am)


Nothing has changed. No miracle has shifted my life from the normalcy of the daily grind, no Word from the Lord has rattled through a dream to change my vision. Yet, all the same, my vision is renewed. Though it still feels as though I am crawling through the daily grind, laundry and cleaning and health issues being my mantras, though I see the same things as I have for a while now--I see them clearer. I see them for what they are: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. (Colossians 3:23-24) 

For some time now, I have been pondering and wrestling with the idea of life. After a grueling year of heartache, loss, and grieving, I gripped firmly to Paul's words to the Philippians--to die is gain. Yet I think that in the midst of the unbearable yearning to see my Lord face-to-face, I forgot that that was only half of the sentence--firstly, to live is Christ. True, I know that one day I shall die or Jesus will come back and I shall live forever united with Him. But at this moment, He has not called me Home. He has called me here--so thus, I must learn to live. And to learn to live, I must learn who Christ is. What His life on earth looked like. I must embrace the raw truth of the Bible--that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...oh, if only I could know that keener every day! Oh that I would grip onto the love of God, being content in the discontentment--for yes, I am a pilgrim, I am a wanderer, but I do not wander as one lost, rather as one found. I know where I am going, and though the journey is long, I must learn to see the hand of the Lord in each moment, in each pile of laundry, in each hard question a child asks, in each offering of my most prized possession to someone who needs it more than me, in each time I stop to pump gas into my car, in each moment of failure where I provoke my dearest friends to tears, in each novel read, in each word carved from my soul and planted onto paper, in each--in each breath, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, my Jesus, He loves me, and it is enough.

Then, there is fear. Fear is a constant, it seems. It haunts my dreams--dreams of little girls torn from their homes, dreams of vicious animals, dreams of loss--and it haunts my thoughts, as I plant my feet and pray for courage, for patience, for humility. For what else will the Lord take? What will I lose? What greater beating can my heart take--I am already weak! And it is true, I fear the normalcy, because I fear that it will never end. How often I wrestle with these plaguing thoughts, how often I stumble as they grow louder and larger--yet there stands Christ, risen from the tomb, brushing off His hands because it is finished?  And this, this is why Paul urges the Galatians to not grow weary of doing good. To not grow weary of the daily grind, for in due season, we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.

No losing heart. Stand firm, whether God has called you, today, to saving souls or saving your bedroom from the massive piles of laundry. He is enough, and He will help you wield your sword.

5 comments:

  1. Amen. amen amen amen. I CAN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT THAT.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fear and confusion often come into my brain and they can really rob me of life abundant in Christ. I thank you for this reminder because if we think on our own that we can make it through life without fear, we will be consumed with it. God is so amazing in the way he pursues us, promises us peace in the midst of confusion and an ability to come to Him in the midst of intense fear. Because I have a lot of that as I continue to grow up and think about what I want to do in college, as those decisions are looming even closer.

    I would love it if you would follow my new blog, by the way <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true, Lauren! I think fear is a huge problem in all of us... and if perfect love casts out fear then I think that fear seeks to cast out perfect love. How can we love in a Christlike way if there is fear eating at us? Good thoughts...and stand firm, dear sister. I know how hard it can be to seek the Lord's guidance during times of great change. :-) He is faithful though. :-)

      Delete
  3. Hello Hannah Joy. I am Pastor from MUMBAI, INDIA. I am glad to stop by your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you through your profile and the blogger. Beautifully expressed and I am blessed by your post. I love getting connected with the people of God around the globe to be encouraged, strengthened and praying for one another. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 38 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing t o the brokenhearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai to work with us during your vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. Looking forward to hear from21you very soon. My email id i s: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends. Also wishing you a blessed and a Christ centered New year564

    ReplyDelete

 
Designed by Beautifully Chaotic